What to do?

Title: Don't Be Late!
Author: gsdestiny123
disclaimer: I don't own The Devil Wears Prada...duh.
pairing: None
Summary: The world ends because Miranda didn't get her coffee on time. No really. This is complete crackfic.
A/N: This is my first try at writing anything.....and I chose a crack-fic... >> But yah, I was intimidated by the thought of writing something more serious and with an actual plot because I doubt I could capture the characters properly...Also, I couldn't think of a good storyline at all... And I desperately wanted to just write something, so voilaaaa, my very own piece of crazy crackfic (which hopefully has room for OOCness). Feedback anyone?

The first thing Andy discovered upon waking was that her radio alarm clock was broken. At least she hoped it was because whatever station it was that filtered through the malfunctioning speakers sounded like the girl from the exorcist. It was creepy to the extreme, and she slammed the off button before forcing herself out of the warm comfy space under the covers.

On her way to the bathroom, she tripped on one of her shoes. She figured out, after stepping into the freezing water raining down in her shower, that her water heater was broken (obviously). Nothing else horrible happened in the bathroom, thank god.

On her way to the kitchen Andy managed to trip two more times before she banged her hip into the corner of the kitchen counter. It hurt like a mofo, but after swearing for a full 5 minutes at the inanimate object, she felt slightly better. By this point, she was fully aware of the fact that she’d managed to bruise herself in at least 10 places, and she hadn’t even been up a full hour. Her day did not look promising. She seriously contemplated running to her bed and hiding under the covers for the rest of the day while ignoring the existence of the rest of the world. (She kicks herself for not doing this later) But no, Andy decides. She was a mature adult, and mature adults did not play hooky and blow off work because of a bad morning. (There’s also the fact that she’d probably be fired before managing to get a day off.) She would just have to deal with it. The burnt toast that suddenly popped out of the smoking toaster did not make her feel better.

Half an hour later, she stepped off the subway and continued on her way to Runway, stopping first at Starbucks for one of Miranda’s usual hot enough to kill lattes. Of course there was no foam. God help her if she forgot that little detail. Andy quickened her pace after glancing at her watch. At this rate, she would be late, and bad things would happen. Extremely bad, horrific things that she did not want to think about at that moment…or ever. Every Runway employee knew the world would end if Miranda didn’t get her dose of caffeine on time. Well… they acted like it anyway.

She even remembered on her first day here…

Emily had dragged her aside and looked into her eyes. She stared for a full minute, and Andy was getting a little bit creeped out.

“Um…Did you w-” She opened her mouth to inquire what the hell Emily thought she was doing (albeit in a much nicer way), but Emily interrupted before she could get a sentence out.

“Shhh. Don’t speak.” That was all Emily said before silence resumed again. She was still staring.

Andy blinked. Okay…this was weird. Now past creeped out and on her way to scared, she wondered why she ever took this job. Oh yeah, because she was flat broke and desperate, and everyone knows beggars can’t be choosers. Another minute passed.

Finally, Emily started speaking.

“Do. Not. Be. Late. With. Miranda’s. Coffee. EVER.”

Andy blinked again. That was it? That was all she had to say? She spent two minutes acting like some sort of weirdo just to tell her that?

“You could have just told me that at our desks…I mean, we are supposed to be working right? And could you try speaking more than one word at a time? I can understand sentences you know…”

Emily rolled her eyes. But hey, that was an improvement from the creepy never-ending and unblinking stare. “ I mean it. The bloody world will end if it’s not there on time.”

“Okay.” Emily sure was dramatic, thought Andy, who was now seated at her desk.

Emily slowly walked to hers before seating herself. “I’m serious!” Emily insisted, now staring at Andy from her desk, which luckily(well, unluckily) for Andy was facing hers.

“Okay, I got it the first 10 times you said it…Don’t be late with the coffee…” Andy replied, using the computer screen to shield herself from Emily’s stare.

And so, with that exaggerated warning etched into her mind, Andy hurriedly dashed into the elevator, doors already closing. She did not want to be the one to invoke the wrath of La Priestly.

It seemed that the day really was against her. She stiffened when she realized she had herself an elevator companion.

“Oh! M-Miranda! Um…I didn’t realize…Oh my god! I’m so sorry!”

“I’m really not interested in hearing you blather like an idiot, Andrea. It’s unbecoming.”

“Right. Sorry.” Andrea whispered, deciding that for the rest of the elevator trip she would be silent. She tried to stand completely still, eyes fixed on the floor to avoid looking at Miranda. In fact, she tried to breathe as unobtrusively as possible lest she bother Miranda and earn herself another scathing comment.

Therefore, when the elevator suddenly stopped, she was completely oblivious. So concentrated on trying to make herself invisible she failed to notice the opening of the elevator doors. Focusing so much on keeping her breaths silent she also completely missed the other occupant calmly walking out.

Andy wondered why they weren’t there yet. The ride seemed a lot longer than usual, and theory of relativity or not, they should have arrived already. Did the ride feel as endless to Miranda as it did to Andy? Andy chanced a quick look to her right, only to find the space empty. Miranda wasn’t there anymore. Andy blinked, looking around the rest of the elevator, double checking that Miranda really was not inside the lift anymore.

“Miranda?” She called out like an idiot to the empty space around her. As if she could have missed her in the tiny space. There wasn’t exactly room to hide. Okay, so she’d established that Miranda was no longer there, which was obvious the first time she looked around. She finally raised her eyes to the floor display on the wall in front of her. 7…6… “Shit.”

Five minutes later, Andy finally exited the lift on the Runway floor. She’d made a mad dash across the street for fresh coffee, just in case the extra time on the elevator turned the Starbucks she already had from kill-on-contact-hot to something unacceptable.

However, as soon as she stepped out, she halted. She blinked. The image was still there. So she tried again. Nothing changed. So it wasn’t a trick of the light. Everyone at Runway was wearing the exact same thing. Each and every person was in some sort of hideous robe, seemingly made out of a potato sack. On their feet were the ugliest pair of shoes she had ever seen.

But that wasn’t important. The important thing was something crazy was currently going on here because people who wouldn’t be caught dead wearing anything less than designer even in the privacy of their own homes were now out in public wearing matching outfits. That looked like potato sacks. This was bizarre. That most people were crossing themselves and mumbling prayers made it all the more so.

She caught sight of Nigel, and winced. The whole sack thing did not flatter his figure. She was about to make her way over and ask him what the hell happened when Emily suddenly stormed up to her from the sea of sack wearing employees. She looked livid.

“Yyyyou!” She growled, jabbing a finger into Andy’s ribs.

“Ow!”

“Oh you stupid, fat, bloody cow! I told you! I told you not to be late with the coffee!” Her face was red and blotchy and Andy could swear there was smoke coming out of her ears.

“I warned you didn’t I? But did you listen? No! No one listens to me! Well thanks a lot Andy Bloody Sachs! You just had to go and be late with the coffee after I told you not to be! Thank you for ending all our lives Andy! That was very helpful of you! God! Sometimes I just want to smack you!”

Well, the feeling’s mutual, Andy thought as she rolled her eyes, not bothering to hide the action from Emily.

“So I’m supposed to believe the world’s actually ending because she didn’t get her coffee on time?” Andy contemplated another eye roll, but decided that it wasn’t worth the effort. She would get the coffee to Miranda, and then ask Nigel what the real reason for this odd little dress-up party was.

She shook her head and pushed past Emily to make her way to Miranda’s office. There was just no way… Her mind trailed off as she stood in front of Miranda’s door. Andy blinked. Holy…SHIT! There was Miranda, in the exact same thing everyone else was wearing. The stupid potato sack robe. Andy decided on the spot that she no longer liked potatoes.

Miranda was facing the window, but turned around when Andy finally entered the office, lightly placing the coffee on the table.

“Was it really too much to expect my coffee be here waiting for me when I arrived?” Miranda asked, giving Andy the cut-eye stare.

Andy cringed.

“Did I ask for the impossible?”

“No Miranda.” She replied, turning back to face the desk. ‘At least, not this time’ Andy thought. If she had a dollar for every time Miranda did ask her to do some impossible task… She rolled her eyes, mentally this time. She might be able to get away with rolling them at Emily, but Miranda would eat her alive.

“It was a relatively easy task, was it not?” Miranda inquired, still staring at Andy. Andy gulped. She was getting a sense of déjà vu here, only Miranda’s stare was way scarier than Emily’s.

“Yes.” She replied, glad when her voice didn’t shake. Simplicity (in this case one word answers) was the key.

“So, tell me Andrea, why weren’t you able to do this very simple thing correctly?”

“I…um…It was j-just this once…It w-won’t happen again.” Damn. So much for simplicity.

“You’re right Andrea, it won’t happen again, because you aren’t going to get a chance to screw this up again. Considering we are all going to die that is. Congratulations Andrea, you have managed to single-handedly destroy the world with your incompetence.”

Andrea swayed, the room spinning a little. No way. The world was actually ending because Miranda Fucking Priestly was a little late on her daily dose of caffeine?

She felt a little faint, so she sat down. Miranda continued.

“I hope you’re happy with yourself Andrea.” Then she began muttering to herself absentmindedly. “ I knew it…Shouldn’t have picked the smart, fat girl. Why didn’t I hire the life-sized Barbie instead… It even came with accessories. I should have listened to Emily…”

Suddenly Emily appears in the doorway, still in the hideous potato sack. “OH GOD YES! I’VE BEEN WAITING MY WHOLE ADULT LIFE TO HEAR YOU SAY THAT!” She shouted, tears streaming down from her eyes and making her excessive eyeliner and mascara run all over her face.

“My life is complete…Oh thank you god! This almost makes wearing this hideous abomination worth it…” Emily gave Andy the evil eye. “Almost I said. That means I still hate you horribly for making me wear this.”

“Oh for god’s sake Emily stop crying. You look like a panda.” Miranda waved her hand in the air, glancing out the window. She opened a desk drawer, pulling out another pair of those disgusting shoes and a potato sack robe, shoving them in Andy’s hands. “It’s almost here now. Hurry up and change.”

Andy was still shocked and guilt ridden that she had apparently ended the world with her tardiness, so she quickly complied to Miranda’s command, shedding the Chanel and Choos she wore. They were scooped up by Miranda, who waved a potato sack wearing lackey in. Miranda handed them over and told him to hurry up before sending him on their way with a “That‘s all.”

Andy was already enrobed in the potato sack and wearing the horrendous shoes before she thought to ask. “Um…I get that the world is ending, but why are we wearing these…sacks?”

Miranda stared at her like she was stupid, Emily mimicking the action with her panda eyes.

“ Well, you can’t honestly expect the poor clothes to suffer for your mistake! We’re storing them at the nuclear shelter in the basement of Elias Clarke. For god’s sake Andrea, these are works of art! They must be preserved!”

“Cow.” Emily muttered, adding her two cents in.

“Oh. But um. If we have a nuclear shelter…Why don’t we go in it? That way, we don’t have to…um…die.”

Miranda rolled her eyes. “You really must listen Andrea. If we put people in there, where will we fit all the clothes? You’re such a silly girl sometimes.”

“But how can you put clothes before people! I don’t want to die!” Andy wailed, looking past Emily to see the sea of potato sacks outside the office. She decides she really hates potatoes instead of just not liking them.

“Well Andy we aren’t exactly thrilled to be biting the dust either. As one of the few young handsome studs of runway, I’m kind of disappointed that it’s all ending now. I had such a full life ahead of me too…” Nigel appeared as suddenly as Emily, entering the office in his unflattering potato sack robe.

“Young handsome stud? Try delusional” Emily mumbled, rolling her eyes among the black mess that was her panda looking face.

“Once again, I must say Emily is correct.” Miranda was clearly going to say more, but Emily erupted with another shout of triumph.

“As I was saying…” Miranda paused, taking the time to give Emily “the stare”.

Emily ducked her head whispering an apology.

“As I was saying, Andrea, all our imminent deaths and the impending doom of the world could have been easily avoided if only you had just paid more attention to the door instead of the floor in the elevator…”

Andy stood up, stared at the sack wearing trio in the office, and began to sob. “Oh my god!” Sob. “Oh my god!” Another Sob. “Oh My G-”

“Yes yes Andrea, get to the point.” Miranda injected, impatiently tapping her foot. She wished the girl would stop wasting time. It wasn’t as if they had that much of it left.

“I knew I should have stayed in bed!” Andrea begins to kick herself, but it’s kind of awkward because of the sack robe and the horrible angle, and the fact that her legs are right next to each other and only bend that one way, which is how most people’s legs are.

“Is that supposed to be some kind of a wierd dance Andy? Please stop, you’re offending my eyes.”

“Odd little six.”

“I see you’ve managed to fail at this as well.”

Emily, Nigel and Miranda all had comments and eye rolls, none of which were appreciated by Andy. But they did get her to stop the kicking/dancing, so everyone was happy. Well, except for Andy.

“ I, Oh my god…I caused the end of the world! Everyone in the world is going to die! Because I didn’t get your coffee here on time!”

“ Don’t be so dramatic Andy,” Emily said, rolling her eyes. It seemed there was a lot of eye rolling going around. “Not everyone is going to die…Just almost everyone.”

Andy gaped. Emily was telling her she was being too dramatic. Emily for god’s sakes!

“Oh shush, it’s starting!” Nigel had been staring out the window for the last 2 minutes, and when he saw the first fireball of doom he excitedly let the rest of the room know.

Emily turned to take a look out the window behind her. “Oh good, I can’t stand another minute in this hideous thing.”

She ran to the doorway of Miranda’s office and waved to the rest of the room.

“Everyone! It’s started!”

Andy stared at the sky, lit by hundreds of huge balls of fire, one of which was headed directly towards the window which she was looking out of.

‘The world is ending.’ Blink. The fireball came closer.

‘I caused the end of the world.’ Blink. It was still coming closer.

‘I just killed everyone in the world - oh oops, sorry, most of the people in the world.’ She did an eye roll.

‘And I just rolled my eyes at it.’ The ball of fire was so close she had to squint because it was so bright.

‘I am so going to hell.’

‘Oh Shit.’ Was her last thought before the fireball impacted…


The end (?)

-----keep reading if you don't like that they all died in an apocalypse >>-----------








And She woke up.

Her radio alarm clock was broken. At least she hoped it was because whatever station it was that filtered through the malfunctioning speakers sounded like the girl from the exorcist. It was creepy to the extreme, and she slammed the off button before slumping back into the bed. She was completely terrified. Andy knew she just had a nightmare, but couldn’t for the life of her remember what it was about. The creepy wake-up call certainly didn’t’ help.

She slid out from under the covers, and promptly tripped on a shoe while on her way to the bathroom. The freezing water hitting her back made for a horrible start to the day. As she made her way into the kitchen, falling two more times and banging her hip on the counter, she decided she would skip breakfast. She had some choice words for the counter that had dared bump into her, but she decided to keep them to herself as well. She left a full 10 minutes earlier than usual, all because of one thought that kept nagging at her.

“The Coffee! The coffee can’t be late!”



The end (again, but it's really the end this time)